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Been at my summer job since Thursday, all is going well :) I will post some pics soon and I'm sure some summery poems. Not in a sad mood tonight but was feeling creative also wrote this in my journal and thought I would post it. I don't know what to call this one, any suggestions welcome :) 

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I write out texts but don't click send

Waiting for you drives round the bend

The days are long without you there

And it feels like you just don't care

Your job leaves you wiped by six p.m

But my day only finishes then

Distance grows as days go on

The longer I wait the more goes wrong

Counting down until every weekend

Our relationship uses these to mend

We tall and cuddle, shout a bit

When we're together my world is lit

I use the hours we get to share

To remind myself you really do care

Although it gets harder to say goodbye

It does get easier not to cry. 

As long as he loves me.

So I am feeling lonely right now and like I have no one there, probably because Ive had a really unproductive day and am pretty bored. Even so, it got me writing and I think this post out does the last by miles. 

  

Feeling lonely but surrounded by faces

Its like no one can see me in the busiest of places

I reach out for a hand, a smile, a friend

I act like i'm fine but I'm playing pretend

I am pushing them away without meaning to at all 

What happens when no one is there when I fall?

The time rolls around when my love comes back

The numbness fades away and I feel myself crack 

The pretending can stop, I let the tears flow

Cry into his arms and beg him not to go

He does despite the pleas, I know he has no choice

He knows I will miss him, his touch, his voice

Once again I'm alone but know I'm surrounded

Advice flies at me and now I feel crowded

Will it get easier, am I willing to wait and see? 

Of course I am, as long as he loves me. 

I have his heart

PThis poem was hard to write, it started as a story but it sounded too soppy so I made it rhyme. Not my best poem but it is a reflections of how I felt last night. 

I Have His Heart

His arms are so strong,

They can hold on so tight. 

When dreams last too long

They protect me at night. 

His hands are to hold, 

They keep me close

And when I am cold

They warm me the most. 

His smile shows he's kind

When skies seem grey

And hopes hard to find

His smile says its okay

His love is like gold,

When we are apart

I will never be alone,

I know I have his heart

This is a pillow you can buy that also comes with a wrist band that copies your heartbeat to the other pillow so its like you are laying on your partners chest. Not the same as being snuggled up with each other but as close as you can get. 

The Boy

This has a been a weekend of mixed emotions and I tried to write something new but found it very difficult. I am not seeing Luke for a few weeks and have found it really hard this time to say goodbye, so I thought I would use an old poem for tonight and upload a new one asap. Hope you like it. 
The Boy

One day, on my road, a boy fell down

He gashed his knee on the dirty ground

I helped him up and looked at his face

Which was worried and scared; a complete disgrace

I wandered his eyes; they seemed so cold

They looked unloved and very old

They’d known the horrors that not many could

And lived with them longer than anyone should

I dusted him down and pulled him close

But his faded eyes haunt me like ghosts

I never thanked that little boy who was blind

Because after he went he left something behind

A message to be held in my memory,

That there are some horrors you just can’t see…

When Love Turns

This is another post on a sad note, the poem is not from experience but the issue of abuse is important to me and the poem holds value even if not personal. I hope the meaning comes across. 

Trying to please

Down on my knees

Words that hurt

Treated like dirt

Holding it back

Preventing attack

Need a cuddle

Heads a muddle

Soon it will tire

Just like a fire

Blazes wild 

Till it is mild 

Tears soon break free

It hushes me

Arms hold strong

I know it is wrong

Love cant be helped

Its only felt

Sometimes its sad

When love turns bad. 

Feeling Lonely

So I am snuggled up on the sofa waiting for Luke to come home and I realise that tomorrow night thirteen more past that, I will be alone, and waiting for no one. Although I love my own space, to me Luke is part of that space. So I write this in a slightly lonely mood yet after a nice day so mixed emotions lol! Enjoy!! 

Pull my knees up to my chest 

Suck it in and try my best,

Mustn't whine, mustn't moan

Or everyone will think Im a drone. 

On the news I see soldiers fall

And know I'm lucky to have mine at all,

Feeling selfish for being down 

When families mourn all around. 

It's always hard to say goodbye

Every time I promise not to cry,

For a week, a month or a tour

It never hurts less, always more.