Tuesday 24 December 2013

Is it real?

Will I wake up and see its all a dream
Everythings isnt as bad as it seems
Will I wake up and be happy again
Because life is normal and love the same
Will i wake up folded into his arms
He'll rock me and I'll sleep under his charms
Will I wake up and everythings okay
My nightmare is over and its a new day?

Sunday 10 November 2013

Confused

One minute I am a princess, the sparkle in your eye
The next, just a girl who's realising the lie
So although you're the one who I am angry at
Your the one I turn to, Try to explain that?
Drawn to your smile, your welcoming touch
But want to run mile because you confuse me so much
My brain is struggling to keep up with my heart
Leaves me forgotton and lonely right back at the start


Creative Poems

Hi, so yesterday I had training for my new job as a student ambassador; we took part in a creative poem activity that the scheme runs in primary schools. Below are the poems created by the activities I completed :) 

1.
Salfords Salvation provides and broken City
Adebayor pays his way to the wonder
King furious at Terrence Malick's mystic love story
NOW build on your strengths the look of love
Hearts deserve rewards in Dreams...



2.
Climbs through spirals
Swoop above sky
Falls beneath blue
traces pattern flies


3.
Bright waves dance
Waves words wings
Silver sparks beneath air
Waters, Dance.
Fish.


Thursday 24 October 2013

It's just a Game

Hello, been keeping myself so busy lately I haven't really had time to write, but the last few nights I have not been sleeping well so I thought this might help me tonight, get a few creative words out before bed. This poem does have personal significance to me, it is not one of my best but I hope it's enjoyed.

It's just a Game

Emotions play by their own rules
Controlling me, it feels so cruel
Knowing my personality at length
Using my weaknesses and strengths

Like a puppet I smile and sing
Until they pull upon my string
Then its up to them to choose
Whether I'm happy or have the blues

One day slides into the next
They decide I am feeling stressed
Late at night trying to sleep
Into my dreams, sad thoughts creep

When they allow excitement to appear
Its usually followed by nerves and fear
You know that we are just their fools
When Emotions play by their own rules





Tuesday 8 October 2013

Conflict

Been struggling with inspiration recently so haven't written anything that's worth a post. However I am a little bit down at the moment, just hormones going nuts I think, but anyways I wrote this to clear my head. Hope you like it. 

Conflict

Put your trust in someone again,
Hope they never cause you pain.
Never learn from your mistakes,
Who's to blame when your heart aches?

This time, I know, it will be fine
We agreed he's always been mine
And I his, it's not one way
All relationships are grey.

How can you fall for it again,
You know it'll be just the same
Weeks down the line, maybe more
You'll be walking out the door.

Maybe so, but its worth a try
Even if he makes me cry
Why can't everybody just see
That I love him, and he loves me.





Tuesday 1 October 2013

Is someone there?

Written after watching The Awakening with Rebecca Hall. It is a very good film that has some horror qualities but the ghost in this film isn't like typical ghosts in horrors. 

Empty Room, lonely chair
Busiest of places now so bare
I sit and look all around
Listening out for any sound.

Call out, nothing's heard
I can't speak a single word
Time goes on yet I'm the same
I shouted out but no one came.

Feel a presence, just behind
For some reason, I do not mind
A peaceful soul fills the space
Now not such a lonely place.




Sunday 29 September 2013

To the tune of Pink.

This is a continuation of the song Pink, Just Give Me a Reason. I was listening to it on my phone one day and it was the last one on my playlist so when the song stopped it was quiet, I just kinda carried on with my own lyrics. At the time they didn't mean much to me and I didn't blog them but now I think I would like to. 
Imagine the tune if you can;

Used to hold me close night
Make love in the morning light
Now I sleep alone in bed
But you still go around my head.

I think of how we fell apart
Wonder who's the broken heart
Are you also stuck at home
Feeling like you're all alone?

Memories we made, so strong
Been together for so long
Do the feel the same as me,
Or have I really set you free?






Sunday 15 September 2013

Words are Easier when Written

So this was written a few nights ago during a a very emotional night. I am not feeling like it anymore but hand wrote it and haven't had time to type it out and post. It is based on a book I am reading by Jodi Picoult and the picture at the bottom is one I drew before writing it.  

Stomach knotted, head a mess
So much I have to confess
He is the one, so how's it fair
That he finds it hard to even care.
I know it;s over, that's what right
But I won't go without a fight.
Maybe a week, maybe more
I will find him at my door,
Autumn may pass, winter may fall
And I will wait for his call.
Found it difficult to express
What I thought was for the best,
Now, pen to paper it's easy to say
How I feel in a rhyming way.



Sunday 1 September 2013

Silly me.

This poem is written to help me sleep, me and Luke are struggling to sort something out and don't want to end the relationship but also don't want to continue as it is now...

Silly Me

Feeling lost in my own mind
Too scared to think what I might find

I know I love you, without question
But you are not my possession

Trying to keep you close to me
Makes it the last place you want to be

I feel we have no time to live
But you only have so much to give

You feel you share it fairly well
I think you're trying to raise hell

The friends you live with follow you home
And then you wonder why I moan

I've made you my world,  now I see
How foolish that was of me. 


Monday 29 July 2013

Bed Space

Short and sweet tonight. Been so busy at this summer job but tonight I'm emotional so needed to write. I think a few Russian EF students are following my blog, hi if you are, I hope you got home safely. The poem tonight is very short but reflects my mood.



The space next to me is empty and cold
I don't like sleeping on my own 
When you are missing from my bed
I wonder where you sleep instead. 

Together at night is how it should be
With your arms wrapped around me
Legs entwined, head on chest
This is how I always sleep best. 


Friday 12 July 2013

Summer Love

The sun is shining and its hot hot!!! My summer job is going great and we already have our second intake arrived. I was sad to see the last intake go on Tuesday, it was especially sad seeing all of the summer romances saying goodbye to one another. So this poem is inspired by teenage summer love. Something that made the Student's trip to England that bit better. I hope you guys like it <3


Playing ball on the beach
Perfect place for two to meet
Unknown cultures, different tongues
It doesn't stop these young ones. 

Together now is all they see
Not thinking of what will be
When planes depart, and space is made
Will the feelings start to fade?

Time is short, but love is sweet
How hearts feel; now nothing beats
These kinds of love change with the weather
But all of them are remembered forever . 


Tuesday 9 July 2013

Missed Call

This ones miserable I'm afraid and personal. At the moment my summer job means that getting to talk is really hard and we are barely speaking once a week :( a mixture of army hours and EF hours have also meant we cannot see each other as we had hoped. So this poem is written when I am sort of cross but also trying to get past the fact that it's not all his fault. Enjoy. 

Hearing your machine I clench my teeth
Draw in a breath and try to stay sweet
'Hi baby just calling to see how you are,
I know its not long but Friday seems far'

'Its been a few days since we last spoke,
Maybe your laptop or phone is broke.'
I know its not true and I don't want to care
But it really is hard not having you there. 

Distance is meant to make hearts grow fonder
But yours drifts off and goes for a wander. 
Two more calls, I promise myself 
Then I will put the phone on the shelf. 

Again no answer, I make excuses
In two minds I battle, one always loses
Roll on my side and hug my pillow
I let myself droop like and old weeping willow

You will see your phone, and know I tried
Listen to my message, and know I lied
Apologies come at morning light
But they cannot take back the lonely night.


Here is also my first picture post of me and Luke. This was at his pass out parade.  




Tuesday 2 July 2013

Writing this while slightly drunk, in a mixed mood, totally need to get some sleep

Rain on the window late at night
Wrapped up in blankets oh so tight
Warm in bed as snug as can be
Time for thinking, my bed and me 

The room is dark, eyes are closed
Colourful dances help me doze
I do not to see whats around
But listen carefully to all the sounds

Pipes in the house say goodnight
The boiler and tank are in a fight
I let my imagination run away
Until my alarm tells me its a new day

Tuesday 25 June 2013

Untitled??

Been at my summer job since Thursday, all is going well :) I will post some pics soon and I'm sure some summery poems. Not in a sad mood tonight but was feeling creative also wrote this in my journal and thought I would post it. I don't know what to call this one, any suggestions welcome :) 

Untitled???


I write out texts but don't click send
Waiting for you drives round the bend
The days are long without you there
And it feels like you just don't care

Your job leaves you wiped by six p.m
But my day only finishes then
Distance grows as days go on
The longer I wait the more goes wrong

Counting down until every weekend
Our relationship uses these to mend
We tall and cuddle, shout a bit
When we're together my world is lit

I use the hours we get to share
To remind myself you really do care
Although it gets harder to say goodbye
It does get easier not to cry. 




Tuesday 18 June 2013

As long as he loves me.

So I am feeling lonely right now and like I have no one there, probably because Ive had a really unproductive day and am pretty bored. Even so, it got me writing and I think this post out does the last by miles. 

  
Feeling lonely but surrounded by faces
Its like no one can see me in the busiest of places
I reach out for a hand, a smile, a friend
I act like i'm fine but I'm playing pretend
I am pushing them away without meaning to at all 
What happens when no one is there when I fall?
The time rolls around when my love comes back
The numbness fades away and I feel myself crack 
The pretending can stop, I let the tears flow
Cry into his arms and beg him not to go
He does despite the pleas, I know he has no choice
He knows I will miss him, his touch, his voice
Once again I'm alone but know I'm surrounded
Advice flies at me and now I feel crowded
Will it get easier, am I willing to wait and see? 
Of course I am, as long as he loves me. 


Monday 17 June 2013

I have his heart

PThis poem was hard to write, it started as a story but it sounded too soppy so I made it rhyme. Not my best poem but it is a reflections of how I felt last night

I Have His Heart

His arms are so strong,
They can hold on so tight. 
When dreams last too long
They protect me at night. 

His hands are to hold, 
They keep me close
And when I am cold
They warm me the most. 

His smile shows he's kind
When skies seem grey
And hopes hard to find
His smile says its okay

His love is like gold,
When we are apart
I will never be alone,
I know I have his heart


This is a pillow you can buy that also comes with a wrist band that copies your heartbeat to the other pillow so its like you are laying on your partners chest. Not the same as being snuggled up with each other but as close as you can get. 



Sunday 16 June 2013

The Boy

This has a been a weekend of mixed emotions and I tried to write something new but found it very difficult. I am not seeing Luke for a few weeks and have found it really hard this time to say goodbye, so I thought I would use an old poem for tonight and upload a new one asap. Hope you like it. 
The Boy


One day, on my road, a boy fell down
He gashed his knee on the dirty ground
I helped him up and looked at his face
Which was worried and scared; a complete disgrace
I wandered his eyes; they seemed so cold
They looked unloved and very old
They’d known the horrors that not many could
And lived with them longer than anyone should
I dusted him down and pulled him close
But his faded eyes haunt me like ghosts
I never thanked that little boy who was blind
Because after he went he left something behind
A message to be held in my memory,
That there are some horrors you just can’t see…


Sunday 9 June 2013

When Love Turns

This is another post on a sad note, the poem is not from experience but the issue of abuse is important to me and the poem holds value even if not personal. I hope the meaning comes across

Trying to please
Down on my knees
Words that hurt
Treated like dirt

Holding it back
Preventing attack
Need a cuddle
Heads a muddle

Soon it will tire
Just like a fire
Blazes wild 
Till it is mild 

Tears soon break free
It hushes me
Arms hold strong
I know it is wrong

Love cant be helped
Its only felt
Sometimes its sad
When love turns bad. 


Saturday 1 June 2013

Feeling Lonely


So I am snuggled up on the sofa waiting for Luke to come home and I realise that tomorrow night thirteen more past that, I will be alone, and waiting for no one. Although I love my own space, to me Luke is part of that space. So I write this in a slightly lonely mood yet after a nice day so mixed emotions lol! Enjoy!! 

Pull my knees up to my chest 
Suck it in and try my best,
Mustn't whine, mustn't moan
Or everyone will think Im a drone. 

On the news I see soldiers fall
And know I'm lucky to have mine at all,
Feeling selfish for being down 
When families mourn all around. 

It's always hard to say goodbye
Every time I promise not to cry,
For a week, a month or a tour
It never hurts less, always more. 



Friday 31 May 2013

Black or White

In R.E. we listened to a song called the Death of Emmet Till by Bob Dylan and it really upset me. The story is of a young black boy from Chicago whistled at a white women, the men who saw this happen locked him in a barn and tortured him before drowning him in lake. Even though the men confessed to murdering poor Emmet Till, the murderers new the men on jury, who were also racist, and they were never convicted. The song by Bob Dylan is on the link below.





The story got me thinking and wrote this poem.

White hooded ghosts haunt the night                                                            
Screams of terror darken light                                                                                               
Everywhere you go everywhere you look                                                     
Black bodies swinging of those cruelly took                                                             

Burning crosses on your door
Black blood spilt upon your floor
Dreams late at night make sleep impossible
Daily torture from whites unstoppable

What they did can not be changed
The past wiped and rearranged
At least we all know what can happen
If we let go of others let dreams flatten

None of us want this to happen again
So let us all remember, not in vain
It was our people, it was our blood
That made blacks suffer fell down with a thud

We let others die
 Don’t hold your head high
It’s time to fight back
Whether you’re white or black





Mushrooms...

So today I was hunting through my memory sticks and found one full of creative writing pieces from a lunch time club I went to at school, we had a challenge to write a story based on one word that was picked randomly out of a hat. My word was Mushrooms....

The room swirled around me as another creature appeared at the door, It’s eyes a luminous green were glaring at me. Soon I’d have a whole army of them, I scanned the room counting them up.  My eyes, by the end of it were an array of colours, purples, blues, pinks and greens. In total there were eight of the creatures, three of them had made themselves comfortable lounging about on the chairs, with their feet up on the table. Another two were standing side by side, these were the only creatures that looked remotely alike. Long pink hair fell loosely around both their shoulders, their eyes, not ovals like human but horizontal slits so it wasn't easy to work out exactly where they were looking. I'm not sure whether I could name the colour of their skin, because it wasn't really a specific colour. When I first looked at them they reminded me of a Child's finger-painting that a parent proudly displays on the fridge. So I guess it was more of a mixed colour, dirty rainbow like.
 
The first two that arrived were rummaging about in the kitchen I could hear shelves falling and glasses smashing but felt no urge to venture in and stop them. Presumably they were also the youngest because when they arrived they were around my ankles asking questions about my outrageous clothes before I‘d even had a chance to say ‘hello’. It was funny, I didn't remember getting dressed at all let alone dressing badly; but sure enough when I looked down at myself, outrageous my clothes were indeed.

A large crash made my eyes flicker and I turned to catch the final moment of a light bulb hitting the floor. It was like I was watching a movie, in slow motion, I saw every shard of glass fall and shatter but was powerless to move and stop it. In fact I don’t think I had the energy to move. I tried taking a step forward but then realised I was sitting down, was I a minute ago? I couldn't remember. The final creature in the room was by far the largest, and the ugliest. Thick hair hung from its potato shaped head; the hair was crusted at the roots and a sickly yellow colour that got darker the further towards its bottom it went. Huge warts covered his hands and wrists like something out of a picture book, I could barely believe my eyes. It stood at least seven foot with its head hunched into its shoulder, chin touching it’s chest, I smiled; or at least tried to but I think it was more of a ‘please don’t eat me’ kind of smile’ which I must have  pulled off well as it stood to one side and glanced around the room. Hardly moving at all.

The two little ones came flying out of the kitchen door faster than they realised and both crashed into me, making me topple over and fall into the broken glass. They stood shocked, little eyes wide- scared almost; but I couldn't say or do anything and seeing as the glass didn't hurt me or seem to draw blood I stayed put and let them move around me to their seats. Twisting my head in an awkward fashion I watched them both greedily stuff food into their mouths. For children, at least I think they were children they had very large mouths and a even larger appetite, it took me a while to work out what exactly they were filling their bottomless stomachs with but I caught a glimpse of the packet and realised they were mushrooms. Disgusting things; never liked them myself always reminded me of slime, the texture in your mouth is revolting.  My mum didn't like them either, it was just me and my mum though, dad liked them but he didn't live here. Where was here? It wasn't my lounge we were sitting in., maybe I’d visited the creatures home, no I was sure all eight had arrived after me.

The noise level lowered to a whisper as one of the more comfortable creatures stepped up, taking charge. He began to talk, but in a strange language, he sounded rather odd, but for some reason I understood him, I wasn't listening because well I only talk English  I was lip reading.  His lips made the same shapes as in the English language but gibberish came out. He was saying that we needed to pull together and work as a team, he was saying we needed to lift someone, or something up to examine the damage. Trying to make sense if anything he was telling the others I must have looked confused because they all looked at me. All eight of them, the two leftover comfortable ones got up and moved quickly of the room, I think they were going to throw up while the two little ones looked pale and very faint. Everything became a blur as bright lights flashed around my eyes and the two similar creatures took the younger ones away leaving me alone with the leader and the ugly one.

“We’re going to roll you back over now, stay calm.” I shook my head as I felt myself roll onto my back, I was sure I was already on my back but obviously not. Straining my eyes I searched for the creatures but saw none, just two men in uniforms. Doctors? No one of them a doctor on of them a policeman, standing on his walky-talky with his arms crossed. “He’s coming round now officer.” The doctor leaned close to my face. “You’re going to be taken to the hospital okay?” I think I nodded but I couldn't be sure. I looked again for the creatures but the policeman stood where the ugly one was and the doctor was blocking my view of the rest of the room. I heard my name, it was coming from the policeman’s mouth. He was talking to somebody through his walky-talky. I could hear him.
“We've got a fifteen year old male here, we think he’s under the influence of hallucinogenic fungi, he’s delirious and badly hurt. Several wounds to the back and thighs from a house party, we think he may have glass shards in the wounds, over.”

Trapped in this World of Confusions

Hi! My name is Lauren, I am at uni at the moment studying psychology which I love. I have been writing poems since I was about twelve as a way of coping with stress or just a bad day. I also write stories but poems seem to come out better! I showed my friend a few poems and she said that I should start a blog, so here I am! I named it the Poetic Thoughts of an Army Girlfriend because the poems I write now days are frequently about this role I carry, however some posts will be old poems that I uncover in my files. Anyway happy reading, I hope the poems carry as much meaning when they are read as they have to me as I write them.

This first poem is one that I wrote aged 13 and won a NSPCC competition with it where it was published for one day on their website.

Trapped in this world of Confusions

I’m sitting at the table playing with my bear
Daddy tells me I’m not nice that I’ve been very bad
He’s takes poor bear away from me
I think it makes him glad

When he’ s gone and Mummy comes in
She cuddles and holds me tight
She says I’m good and not to listen
Because he says it out of spite


The sun goes down and the safety goes
As mummy hears the click in the door
In swaggers daddy, mummy says hello
He hits her hard , I want to hide I lower to the floor

I cover my head and clench my eyes tight
As I wait for my daddy to stop
But once he done with mummy
Its me he seems to spot

I curl up in the smallest ball
But still he ventures forward
I cry and pray for him to go
I say the prayer to the lord

When I reach the final verse I try to say amen
But daddy starts to shout
Spits froths around  his mouth
As hurtful words pour out

Mummy stands and leaves the room
She doesn’t try to help
I’m hope she’s going to call the police
But soon my hopes of that melt

Daddy clenches his fist
It’s something that I dread
Although I love my mummy
I wish she was here instead

She tells me that I’m dreaming
That daddy’s aren’t that bad
But every time she says that
She’s looking awful sad

Mummy tries to make excuses
To make up for what daddy’s done
She buys me toys and little games
But she knows I can’t be won

No matter what she says is true
I know they’re only lies
She doesn’t know I worry
When I hear her cries

It seems the only thing that helps
Is mummy’s poor delusions
So she’s left me now for make-believe
Trapped in this world of Confusions